It's hideous, and I'm about to go full blown crazy ana and starve myself to the point of tears if I don't stop.
I basically have NO control over what I'm eating lately, and even though I'm trying to be good with the choices I can make, the actual number of choices I get to make are SO low lately. There is absolutely no food left in the house that is ana-approved and the amount of fast food we've been consuming over the past couple days while we're in moving limbo is disgusting.
It's been SO stressful getting ready to move, I'm emotional, I'm not sleeping at ALL lately. My stomach has been hurting SO badly lately that I actually went to the emergency room today and they made me get a CT scan because they thought I might have an appendicitis.
Nope, just so fucking stressed out I can't function and my muscles/organs/digestion/sleeping patterns are fucking protesting.
I'm putting all of it behind me though. I'm embracing the scale and I WILL start to lose IMMEDIATELY or I will throw up every ana-approved bite... I will stop eating crap or I just won't eat.
I'm letting myself stress now and tomorrow, no more.
Tomorrow my daddy and brother arrive with the moving trailer to pack me and the hubby up and take us home.
Where I will be finding a happy little home with my hubby and doggy and possibly my brothers doggy as well.
Then I will lose the fucking weight I'm putting on before I let ANYONE see me!!! Seriously, I have about 6 days to really get as much off as possible before I see the family for X-mas and then another 5 days before New Year to get some more off.
The plan for tomorrow-Wednedsay:
B: Fiber cereal
L: Can of fruit
I'm going to keep Dinner to around 200 cals and as much fruit/veg as possible... Tomorrow = frozen dinner. After that I don't fucking know, but if I have to resort to good 'ole mia, I swear I will.
My fucking face even looks fat. And my stomach... Bloat city.
Fuck me I'm disgusting.
I'm going to pop some pills and try to get some fucking sleep tonight.