Breakfast: A workout, fiber pills, an allergy pill, and coffee with Splenda.
Lunch: A salad with spritzer dressing and a diet pill.
Dinner: A shot of liquor and a sleep-aid.
I read an article in Marie Claire yesterday about diet myths. Exerpt:
"Myth #5 OLD RULE: RETURN TO PROHIBITION
Why you should break it: Alcohol is calorie-packed, but a study from the Archives of Internal Medicine found that women who drank moderately gained less weight than women who never drank. Alcohol slows digestive enzymes and inhibits the breakdown of nutrients, so your body doesn't absorb as much food as it would otherwise, says Dr. Lu Wang, instructor in medicine at Harvard Medical School and the study's lead author.
New rule: Like alcohol? Have either two 5-ounce glasses of red or white wine, two bottles of beer, or 3 ounces of hard liquor daily, Wang says. "Alcohol can help you maintain a normal weight. Cheers!"
Thus, I will be having alcohol for dinner (Either a shot or 2 light beers... Either one have about 195 cals.) when I get home for work, as long as the fiance doesn't start freaking out about it... Then a sleep aid to knock me out before I can start drunk-eating.
Is this slippery slope?
Hope not, because it's where I'm going.
I need to feel it again...
I need to feel the rush. The light-headed, frail, weak, but strong internally feeling. The feeling I had last year, when I had social activities. The feeling of not eating all day so I could go out with my then boyfriend/fiance and eat a small meal and a glass of wine and feel fabulous.
The feeling where I'm running on adrenaline and caffeine.
The feeling of a shrunken stomach and a strong will.
The feeling of a stomach full of only water.
The feeling of satisfaction knowing I had the equivalent of one meal all day and worked it off in the gym before it was consumed.
The feeling of loose clothes and tight muscles.
I want to be a wisp. A faerie. A puff of air. Slender. Thin.
I can do it again.
I need to prove to myself that I'm not so fucking weak-willed.
Today's goals will be met.
And everything achieved so I can like myself again.