If you don't know who Chevy is, read this. Then this. Then this.
And I would suggest doing that now because basically this whole post is about him.
This morning blew. I strolled into work almost late, and there he was, waiting.
Chevy with all his drama and bullshit.
One moment, "You look ravishing this morning." The next minute, "How's your arranged marriage?" Hot and cold, back and forth. It was driving me nuts.
One second coming to me, hugging me. I say, "You're just angry." He replies, "Yeah because I want you to be with me." Realizes what he said in front of Mel, starts to walk away and says, "If I were drunk."
The ongoing flip flop that was somewhat present on Friday night is in full swing now.
Then, the terrible moment. Standing around, not doing anything, surrounded by co-workers doing the same.
"Cally can't hold her liquor, she's a lightweight. We went to "dive bar" Friday night, and she couldn't do it." Picking on me like always.
I retort, "Um, WE did not go to "dive bar." I was there with someone else and YOU sat at our table." I was joking... Completely kidding.
He snaps. "Look, we all know the reality of the situation. I have a text message in my phone I can show you." Ha ha fucking ha.
I was pissed. So pissed I started shaking. So pissed I almost cried. I just shook my head and looked away. He COMPLETELY embarressed me in front of them. Thank GOD the people who were standing around KNOW the situation and our history, but still. I felt like shit.
Mel followed me. I turned to her, "If he has a fucking text message from ME saying ANYTHING like that, if must be from fucking LAST summer. Does that mean he saved it!?"
And, ladies, I can almost guarantee that he has saved it. That that is EXACTLY what he was talking about. I remember the night. I remember the nights that followed when he picked on me about my drunk text, and I remember how I didn't talk to him for over a month because he was so relentless and hurt my feelings so badly. I'm not dumb. And I don't like to repeat cycles like this.
He always does that. Takes it too far and once I'm hurt and push him away, he comes groveling back to apologize.
No different today.
"I'm really am going to miss you though, Cally..."
"Don't talk to me."
I meant it. I didn't talk to him.
He asked me to hand him something, sees I'm not responding. Says, "Look, I'm sorry. I'm an asshole, I have no filter. I always do this and push people away but I don't mean it."
I know how he feels. I know his mood is worsening by the moment because he doesn't want me to marry my fiance. He wants me to leave my fiance and run away with him and live happily ever after.
And while I DO like him, and the thought HAS crossed my mind (as most of you know) I would never. He is too far out there for me to handle. He's too crazy. And he IS an asshole.
My fiance loves me, supports me, and would never treat me like that. And while inside I'm a stupid girl who likes the bad boys, I would never, in a million years, marry one or be with one for anything more than a fling.
But this doesn't solve the dilema I am in where he goes fucking ape shit every time we get around eachother. HE needs help. I don't know if I should sit down with him and just talk about all of this or what... I feel like the last time I was honest about it was when I drunk texted him, and we saw how THAT went... It keep getting fucking brought up every time he wants to push my buttons.
I just don't understand what he expects from me.
But anyway, I have to run... I'm leaving to head back home a night earlier, so blogging won't be an option. My juice fast went well today, and I think I'm going to break it soon so I can eat on my trip home because my mom is going to go nuts if I don't.
Good luck over the next few days, ladies! Think thin.