Sunday, March 28, 2010

Drunk texts from strangers and dreams

I got a drunk text or two last night...

From a girl that's a regular where I work. I met her first when her and her new, new boyfriend came into the restaurant and sat at my table. They then asked for me every time.

They haven't been in in a while.

The last time I saw her, he had stood her up. And she was devastated. I paid for her wine and mussels and she got my phone number. We talked for about an hour after my last tables left.

I feel so much pity for her.

Which is bitchy to say, but I do.

She came in last night and sat with a girl she knows at the bar. They got drunk and stiffed KB and her texts last night were all about how she's old and lonely and how her boyfriend broke up with her by e-mail.

I don't know why, but there is something about her that I just want to adopt her... I don't because she's a good 10 years older then me, but I know how unhappy her life is and I feel like every time I speak to her, she's looking for encouragement and someone to tell her it's going to be okay...

But, being the selfish person that I am, I know she would be a clingy, needy friend (which, I'm sorry to say is probably why the boy left her) and I don't want to deal with someone like that.

I don't even really know her and I got drunk texts... Like, what?

The thing that is the most terrible though, is that when I read the text where she said that he broke up with her, I thought if she were skinnier it would not have happened.

Chubby girls can't hold onto men... Especially men with money.

BUT, in other news...

The scale reads 115lbs this morning. Almost there.

I slept like a million hours last night after half a ciggy. And had the most retarded dreams about work and Chevy and about eating a mocha frap from Starbucks (which I do NOT allow myself!).

Do you ever have those ladies? Where you dream that you're eating and eating, very specific foods that you like that you don't allow yourself? And in the dream you feel guilty but it tastes SO good... And then when you wake up and realize it was a dream you feel happy and relieved and like you wish you could binge every night in your sleep?

I do. Often, actually. Or I dream terrible things about food, like I'm throwing up tar.


But anyway...

My calories yesterday were good. Not great, but I ran and ran and ran my ass off, so I guess I was okay... I had some bran cereal, an apple, a fiber bar, and some carby stuff I shouldn't have eaten. Fucking carbs.

I can feel myself dropping the bloaty, chubby feeling, but I'm still not where I want to be 100%.

But, alas, ladies I need to run. I have to get ready for work. ♥ you all. Think thin.


  1. I hate having food dreams. When I was for real anorexic, back when I was 18-19, I used to have dreams almost every night about binging, or that my teeth were falling out. *shudders* They were NIGHTMARES!

  2. I have food dreams, which I love and binge dreams which I hate.

    The scariest moment is the first 3 seconds where you think you actually ate that thing, and then realising you haven't is the absolute best!

  3. I actually really like having binging dreams. Like at first when I wake up I get that instant panic of "oh shit what did I do yesterday!?" But then when I realize it was a dream it's awesome!

  4. I cannot stand my food dreams - My dreams are usually so vivid that I wake up not knowing whether it was real or not, then I get worried and have to metally retrace my steps... Its exhausting! haha.

  5. There is actually very little that I crave, in dreams or in reality. I'm lucky I guess! It doesn't stop me eating mountains of food, but it is still pretty bad.