Sunday, November 1, 2009

The fiance and other topics

I need to get my head straight. I've been depressed and down and feeling like shit and using food to satisfy something it's never going to satisfy.

But today I'm back on track and I'm going to stay this way until the 10th and KB's b-day dinner.

The first of the month = a new start.

SO, today's intake:
B: Bran cereal - 110
L: Chicken & Veggies - 175
D: Apple & Veggies or Yogurt - 150

But anyway...

A few people last post were wondering if my fiance knew about my ED.

And the answer is NO.

He doesn't.

I mean, he does a bit. He knows that when I was younger I was bulimic. He suspects and questions occasionally. But he has no idea to what extent I have issues. He knows nothing if this blog, my mia, how much I restrict calories, any of it.

And I am so terrified for him to discover any of it... But sometimes I want to tell him. Sometimes I want to blurt our, scream at the top of my lungs, "I HAVE PROBLEMS!"

Because my ED is the only aspect of my life that I keep from him. It affects our relationship, how I feel about myself around him, and I can't share it with him because I know he would want me to stop. And I can't stop. And I know I would lose everything if I tried.

So there you have it.

Talk to you later, ladies.


  1. Okay... Thanks for the reply.

    I told my boyfriend about my ED and it turned out to be a big mistake...
    Now he's contantly worried and upset when I go to the bathroom... It's really hard to have a relationship with a guy who doesn't trust me at all when it comes to food.

    Love Cille

  2. Ahhh it's hard, isn't it?

    Starvation makes cranky bitches of us all, and it is so hard on our boys when we are miserable and horrible and have no explanation for them as to why. They don't deserve it, poor things. I'm single now and it is infinitely easier. But also lonelier. There is always a trade off.