I broke my fast.
Because I'm a weak, fat individual.
My blood sugar got REALLY low at work, so I told myself I could eat ONE piece of chocolate.
Fucking trigger food.
Then I ate some fucking pasta.
It wasn't really a binge, in the sense that I didn't go on a rampage eating everything in sight, but I planned on FASTING, so it was way more than I should have consumed... SO I threw it all up.
At first I tried to convince myself that it was okay... But I couldn't stop myself. When I kept thinking about the fact that I ate CHOCOLATE and PASTA, I got so panicked that I just had to.
Why can't I binge on lettuce or something?
And I felt SO terrible. I almost started crying. I felt like a complete failure and like I'm going to be fat fucking forever.
Everyone at work kept asking what was wrong with me, so I told them I didn't feel well. Which was TRUE because a.) I was mad at myself and b.) My stomach hurt from throwing up so hard.
SO I came home early, and now I feel like crap-ola.
I'm so mad I fucked up my fast... Just because I threw it up doesn't mean it didn't count.
Now I'm contemplating going to the B-day dinner or not... Since everyone saw me feeling sick, I could probably get away with just ordering a small salad and picking at it, and I guess it would be okay if I fasted all day until then.
It would be an official 24 hour fast, and it that's all I ate all day, maybe it would be okay?
I think so... I'll get a salad and a side of broccoli, and that's all.
And I'll attempt another fast some other time this or next week.
I need to re-gain self control!