Monday, September 7, 2009

Broken fast... Not a shock.

I broke my fast.

Because I'm a weak, fat individual.

My blood sugar got REALLY low at work, so I told myself I could eat ONE piece of chocolate.

BAD idea.

Fucking trigger food.

Then I ate some fucking pasta.

It wasn't really a binge, in the sense that I didn't go on a rampage eating everything in sight, but I planned on FASTING, so it was way more than I should have consumed... SO I threw it all up.

At first I tried to convince myself that it was okay... But I couldn't stop myself. When I kept thinking about the fact that I ate CHOCOLATE and PASTA, I got so panicked that I just had to.

Why can't I binge on lettuce or something?

And I felt SO terrible. I almost started crying. I felt like a complete failure and like I'm going to be fat fucking forever.

Everyone at work kept asking what was wrong with me, so I told them I didn't feel well. Which was TRUE because a.) I was mad at myself and b.) My stomach hurt from throwing up so hard.

SO I came home early, and now I feel like crap-ola.

I'm so mad I fucked up my fast... Just because I threw it up doesn't mean it didn't count.

Now I'm contemplating going to the B-day dinner or not... Since everyone saw me feeling sick, I could probably get away with just ordering a small salad and picking at it, and I guess it would be okay if I fasted all day until then.

It would be an official 24 hour fast, and it that's all I ate all day, maybe it would be okay?

I think so... I'll get a salad and a side of broccoli, and that's all.

And I'll attempt another fast some other time this or next week.

I need to re-gain self control!


  1. Good girl! You may have eaten, but you've picked yourself right back up and started again! Well done for your assertiveness.
    You're already stronger then you think

  2. Good job =)
    Mad attitude with choosing to start again and getting through the 24 hours.