Monday, August 10, 2009

Asian if my favorite cuisine to throw up

Today = major FUCK UP.

Went to work and had chicken salad... God only fucking knows what's in it... And some bread. Left work and went to McDonalds. Had chicken nuggets, fries, a fucking McFlurry and a sweet tea.

Came home, puked it alll up.

Probably one of the most unpleasant throw-ups I've ever had... Throwing up icecream is SO gross to me... Worse than any other food. Probably because it's sweet and biley at the same time and always still cold when I throw it up. EW.

Then swore off all food and that I would eat light at the Japanese place tonight with the brother. Did NOT eat light... Had a roll of sushi, half a tempura veggie app, and about a third of my rice, veggies, and meat from the hibatchi plate.

Came home and threw it allll up.

I've officially decided that Asian food is the easiest for me to mia. Something about little cut-up bits of food, rice, and the fact that I drink tons of water when I eat it that makes it simple for me to regurgitate easily, and I never really mind the taste.

But anyway... Calories today?

Who.

Fucking

Knows.

Dammit, Cally. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Know what it is? Mia is addicting, and I'm hooked.

There is no better feeling to me than eating what I want, stuffing my face, enjoying every bite, fully knowing that I'll be throwing it up. Nothing better than waiting a few minutes while I drink so much water, I think I'll pop. And then going into the bathroom, jiggling my insides, leaning over the toilet, and purging.

Even the word is amazing to me.

"Purge."

Love, love, love.

The feeling after, when I feel an amazing high, like I'm in control, like everything in the world is as it should be, is amazing to me.

But I need to stop.

I know it.

In other news...

I want to message my ex boyfriend... But I don't know why. It's probably been like a year since we've talked... I miss him.

I have more to say, but I don't want to say it now.

I suddenly feel very drained.

Later, my loves.

4 comments:

  1. It is hard to know cals when you purge. Perhaps focus on not purging for a while? Then you will KNOW how much you're consuming. The Japanese food does not sound like that much, I know sushi rolls are low. Stay positive, hon.

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  2. You need to stop that love!
    Mia is not our friend!
    Better luck tomorrow :)
    Xxxx

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  3. I understand EXACTLY what you're saying about Mia being addictive. Knowing I can stuff myself, knowing I can make it all come back up. And the purge...I get such a high off it.
    But...surely restriction is the ultimate control...
    Mia is bad, bad, bad, half of the calories are already absorbed before you can get it back up :( so dangerous.
    Hope you're feeling better love
    Ophelia xx

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  4. Yup Yup Yup.

    I SO know how ya feel.

    Except I gained weight with mia because I would get addicted to eating and not always be able to purge the whole shebang. :(
    I suck.

    That high is somethin else tho!

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