Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Back for real.

Hi girls... I'm going to read your blogs soon... Get at least remotely caught up.

So, where have I been?

At work, struggling, being insecure, trying to think I can lose weight like normal people, trying to maintain the loss without being suspicious, being dumb about all of it.

I just decided to stop my ED. Decided that I could be strong and sensible and not an ED girl.

Guess what though.

I am an ED girl...

I've woken up every morning since that decision and freaked out... My weight is exactly as it was when I last was writing... It hasn't changed.

I need my ED. I need ana and mia. Mia is my savior... My salvation when I'm not strong enough to handle life... When I'm not strong enough to withstand... And ana is my best friend. She makes me feel beautiful and loved. I need them both.

And I'm back to reclaim them... They helped me lose 15 pounds... And it's time again for this... It's time to let myself be what I want to be... Who I want to be.

It's time to let myself fall back into my ED. I just can't resist it anymore...

But I'm out of practice. Ana is not as easy as before... I've been depending on mia a lot lately. I've been throwing up at work a LOT lately... And I've gotta stop that...

90% of the blogs I follow haven't posted in a month... Maybe ana and mia are someting you come in and out of? Maybe I'm not alone? Who knows...

I'm back though. And I'm here to stay.

I am ashamed of what I've been doing... Eating... Feeling and thinking.... But that will not keep me away any longer. I will put the past behind me and embrace the future... My potential... And my ED.

Bring it, bitches!