Monday, March 9, 2009

Shit shit shit.

Just watched "Sharing the Secret!" And it is a really good movie... It was made for TV in like 2000, so it's kinds of cheap-o, but it was so TRUE.

You can't really find it anywhere (Not even netflix) but this website has it! Oooh it was good. One if the parts on there isn't what it says it is, but if you just look around at the end of the previous part in the related videos links, you can find it... Took me a moment, but it's all online and there.

SO, lately the BF and I have been bickering. Quite a bit the past 2 days. I'm just so DEPRESSED lately that anything he says that's remotely insulting, I flip out over... Yesterday I went to pick him up from work, and I asked him if he wanted me to fix something he knocked over, and he was like, "No and you'll just be in my way." Yeah... thanks. So that stupidly made me upset, and then we got into a fight last night over dinner because I wanted him to make some bread and beans and he was like, "You can have one or the other." ...Trying to be all helpful with my "diet..." And I was instantly mad and was like, "I can have whatever I want. I'm handling my diet, and I don't need your help." (Famous ana words right there...) I'd seriously had like 110 cals at that point saving them for dinner. And when he interjected it made me feel like a fat cow, and I got defensive... (Side note: Threw up dinner anyway... I knew I was going to, so it's just nice to enjoy a moment of eating what I like and not just shitty broccoli over and over every night.)

And then this morning I was telling him something, and he interrupted me and said he didn't really care, so I got pissed off. And was like, "You should care because I'M talking about it." and then he thanked me for making him breakfast. (YES, I made the ungrateful jerk breakfast!) and I didn't say anything so he was just sitting there not eating it, and I was like, "Why aren't you eating?" And he blew up and said because he thanked me and I didn't say anything and apparently I've been "treating him like shit lately." FUCK you. I have not...

And then he called me from work and apologized and said he's been overreacting and not paying attention to how he talks to me... blah, blah, blah... And then he asked me what's been going on with me lately and why have I been acting so distant/weird.

Um... Maybe because I'm a FAILURE and I HATE my life???

But I'm not getting into that...

I just don't like living here, I'm struggling with my ED REALLY bad lately, and he is my ONLY friend in this god-forsaken town we moved to because HE wanted to.

So excuse me, I'm a little resentful.

And then he called me AGAIN to apologize. FUCK. Just let it go.

I'm over it. I'm just going to have a depressed, sad, homesick, pissed at the BF day, and tomorrow I'll be fine...

Btu anyway. I skipped out on the last day of my current job (called in... made lame excuses) and I've been home all day. I'm about to clean the house... But I watched the movie, sat outside, smoked a cig, tanned a bit, read a book... And now it's almost 2 and I've only had a glass of milk all day... I don't know if I should eat to get the metabolism going or if I should fast a bit longer... I'm going to go poke around the kitchen and decide...

Love you girls. Thanks for listening to my rant.

Thinspo! Alison Lohman because she is amazing, AND she was in the movie. :-)


  1. I'm sorry you're fighting with the BF. And thanks for the thinspo!

  2. im sorry about the relationship troubles =[
    those always suck.
    but it sounds like your doing well eating wise.

    and i watched sharing the secret!
    i totally thought it was from like a million years ago tho lol

    great thinspo btw

    XOXO Sophia Ruins <3