Monday, March 9, 2009

Oh, Mia.

I threw up everything today... It's becoming a problem. I don't like it, but I can't help it... I didn't even eat that much today: milk (didn't throw that up) fish and veggies (mia) pasta and pork (mia) half a sandwich (mia).

What is WRONG with me lately??? I used to only do it once in a while but now I just panic after every bite.

I probably managed to digest about half of what I ate which is probably like 300-400 cals... But I just want to eat less and throw up less.

I need to get on top of this. I can't keep doing it because 1.) it's hard to hide and 2.) because I can be stronger than this BS!!!

I think tomorrow I'm going to try a new technique... The 2-4-6-8 diet sounds doable for me...

SO 200 cals tomorrow... Water all day, Apple = 70, 3 stalks celery = 18, Tilapia = 100 and a tomato = 27... So... 215. That's good enough for the first day...

So I'm going to cut up the apple and celery and slowly eat them over the whole day... And then eat the Tilapia and tomato for dinner with the BF so he'll back off.

He still made a comment about me eating something today...

I don't think he knows/realizes how many cals I should be eating and how many I am. He's blind about this whole thing, and that's how I want him to stay...

BTW, we talked about stuff today and we're okay... Not great because I'm just still not happy with some aspects of my life... But better. I just love him so much... It makes a lot of stuff hurt more, you know???

Some scene thinspo... I want to be a real girl thinspo...






3 comments:

  1. love the thinspo!

    I just started 2-4-6-8. Not as hard as I thought it would be, and I have something to look forward to on the "8" days hah.

    Good luck!

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  2. I hope you get the purging under control - mainly because its so bad for you, as I'm sure you know. good luck hun, and be strong!!

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  3. I have faith. You're awesome-- you can do it.

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