Friday, March 13, 2009

Fuck.

Ladies, I love you so much... Thanks for the support.

But, yes... I'm ashamed... I purged... And then after dinner I purged again...

It's like a DRUG to me! I don't know what the HELL is wrong with me...

I was doing so well...

It just feels good...

I feel good after. I feel like I'm calm again and in control and like I'm clean and pure and happy.

I just don't know how to handle it... I try to be good and I am for the most part lately, but today... I fucking blew it.

AUGH. This is frustrating me beyond belief...

BUT... I will do better. I will just put this behind me and do better this weekend... Hopefully.

My parents/brother are due in tonight in about an hour, so I don't know if I'm going to be able to blog for a few days, but I will just as SOON as I can.

But you know what... I need to stop being so hard on myself... I've seriously lost 15lbs in one month. That's insanely good... That's a pound every 2 days.

I promise I will try my hardest not to purge. I know I'm better than that... I just need to control what I eat more... Like I have the past few days...

And I highly recommend the 2-4-6-8 diet... And depending on what you consume regularly, I might adjust the cals to maybe like 150, 350, 550, 750... Or 2,4,6,7. I think that's what I'm going to do because on my 800 day I BLEW it because 800 is too much... 700 is much better... BUT it's totally do-able and it boosted my weight loss by like 4 pounds.

Anyway... I promise to catch up on all your blogs as soon as I get back!

Much love. ♥

2 comments:

  1. Have you ever tried when you feel like purging writing down your emotions, feelings and what's going on in your head until it passes. Sometimes it helps to pinpoint the triggers and feelings that are causing you to feel the need to purge.

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  2. Hmm... ok, after I'm done fasting I'll give 2-4-6-8 or your variation a try. I need to be able to restrict w/o gaining back all the weight I lose during fasting! grr.

    Have a good visit with your family!

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