Wednesday, February 18, 2009


So I have to go to work soon here, but I thought I'd post a quickie.

I've been doing waaay better the past couple days. However, yesterday I had a break down (I think it's because my period came this morning and I am always SO hungry the day before... No excuses though. I'm also a pig.) but I managed to handle it. Soaking in the bathtub has become a nightly ritual for some mia time.

The hydroxycut is fab too. It boosts my energy, for sure, so I can still function properly and think rationally. And I've been weighing myself ridiculously. I am flat-lining which is pissing me off, but I have a feeling it's because of my period... I always put on like 5lbs of water weight right before it starts and look like shit for a couple days. Augh. Getting dressed yesterday was a nightmare because I haven't done laundry in what seems like years, and I didn't have any clean winter clothes... So I looked terrible.

The BF said the other day that I looked "thinner." Which was faaab. Because I think I am too... And I mean it's not cutting it still because I'm still fat... GW is a long way off, and the next day he said something about how I'm still a "little bit chubby" but I've been doing well lately. Which is totally fucking true right now. Both parts. He thinks I've been working out more, which I have, but not as much as I pretend. And then last night he was saying something when he was drunk (I didn't drink with him... too many empty calories. Fuck that.) about how he doesn't want me to throw up what I eat. Blah, blah blah. And I hate having to tell him I'm not... I hate lying to him, but he wouldn't understand. He's a fucking toothpick no matter what he eats. And when I'm skinnier and sexier he'll be happier and so will I. But I need to stop the mia every night. My throat is scratchy lately and I don't want to have problems here. Purging sucks anyway. I need more ana, less mia.

And now I gotta go to my stupid fucking job with disgusting food all around... Here's some Avril because I just love her. And because this morning I realized how much my life depends on eyeliner, and she pulls it off so well.

PS. FUCK my internet. It never fucking works lately!

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