Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Purging

Wow... The BF passes out on the couch like clockwork lately, and I get on here to blog.

SO, today I binged and purged, like I had been thinking about, and I can honestly say I will NEVER do it again. It sucked. First, I was walking around the grocery store (to buy apples, grapefruit, toilet paper, etc.) and next thing I knew I was in the fucking BAKERY. And everything just smelled so GOOD. Oh man, and I was hungry because at that point in the day I'd only had an apple. (70 neg cals!) and had run my ass around at work for a LONG day today. SO, I caved. I thought, "I'll just buy something small, eat it when I get home, wait about 10 mins and puke it up. Easy as pie." So I bought DONUTS. Fucking DONUTS. And I came home and had 3 donuts and 2 glasses of milk. Which btw, is like 1,050 calories. That's like 2 days for me!!! So I scarfed them down, and I immediately felt like shit. It was a LOT of food in my tummy, and a fuck-ton of sugar and way too much milk. So, I started to feel nauseous and then I started panicking about the calories. Like woah, super-bad panicking. And I didn't wait long enough to purge. But man, did I purge. I heaved over and over and over, and it HURT. Normally I have a system to my purging... I eat, drink a lot of liquid, wait 10-15 mins and then I purge and normally it all comes up in a couple times, but I was heaving like crazy and only getting a little each time. So the panic increased until I was practically crying while I heaved. Then when I felt satisfied that I had thrown it all up, I laid down on the couch and passed out from exhaustion and stress... It was awful. And one of the worst parts was that the whole time I was walking around the bakery, I felt GUILTY as FUCK. Like, I was looking around like I was stealing or something! I felt like shit...

SO never again. Purging is not a planned event any longer, just for emergencies. And only done properly. FUCK it. Ana is the way to go, fo sho.

On a side note... I bought some low-cal sauce stuff today for the chicken I made for me and the BF, and I think I'm allergic to something in it... I've never had any kind of food allergy, but after dinner, I was sitting on the couch, and my upper lip started burning. So, I put on some cooling lip gloss stuff I have, and it felt a little better, but it was tingling and burning, and my lips swelled. And my chin and nose were itchy and my cheeks and chin swelled... Ugh I still heel weird, but it's subsiding.

Augh so a shit day... I only had chicken and zucchini for dinner and an apple for breakfast, and I threw up the sugary shit. So consumption-wise I did good today... And I learned a lesson...

God, I feel like shit.

Some side views, because I'm obsessed with my side profile lately... The BF said my butt was shriking, and I hope it still looks okay... I've always liked my butt, and I don't want a flat one... Augh. I'm gonna go look at it. Ha ha!



3 comments:

  1. I'm sorry today was a hard day for you. We've all been there. Keep on trucking, love.

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  2. That does not sound fun. I purge sometimes (emergencies only) and it really sucks. I hope you feel better soon!!

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  3. Bummer. That sounds like my last time purging. Never again! <3

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